Anger as Lodger’s friend stays without asking: ‘Take advantage’

A homeowner is asked to confront a lodger about having started asking her boyfriend to stay without asking her first.

These visits became more frequent, causing the woman to feel “unnerved” at the thought of having a stranger in her home.

The dilemma surfaced in a social media post shared to Mumsnet by a user writing under the name PonderingAIBU, claiming to be currently sharing a property with two lodgers.

Renting out a vacant room can provide a homeowner with an additional source of income, but it may not always go to plan.

In a 2021 survey of property owners who rented a room to a lodger, almost one in four admitted to having regretted it.

According to the study, conducted by real estate website, 17.6 percent of those who expressed regret cited the fact that they wished they had spent more time screening tenants.

Meanwhile, 15.6 percent wished they had developed better relationships with tenants, while 5.2 percent said they wished they would give up renting a room in the first place.

While the landlady, who is posting online, isn’t quite there yet, trouble seems to be brewing with one of her lodgers.

She said in the past they’d both asked if they could have a family and she’s always “been super happy with it from time to time.”

The problems started when one of the lodgers got a new boyfriend. According to the homeowner, when he first stayed, she “announced” it “without asking or discussing” how they might feel.

Since then, he’s been staying “two nights a week,” and she’s increasingly annoyed at the fact that her lodger doesn’t “give her an advance warning or ask her first if that’s okay.”

“I feel a little self-conscious when someone I don’t know is walking around…when I’m working from home or they’re sitting (alone) in the kitchen,” she wrote. It has often made her “wonder how long he’s going to stay” and if she can walk around the house in peace.

Although she appreciates that her lodger pays rent and “has the right to start a new relationship,” she said it would be nice “to know who’s in our home and to feel safe and consulted.” “.

Those following the thread on social media were inclined to agree. “It’s your home, of course you’re not unreasonable,” DramaAlpaca said. “Time to get assertive and set some ground rules.”

QuitWhileAhead, meanwhile, commented: “I don’t want a random guy staying in my house. You rent a room to a single person.” Elsewhere, FlowerArranger offered a more extreme solution. “Let her know now.

She’s taking advantage of that,” they wrote. “Next lodger, be very clear about what is acceptable and what is not. In written form.”

Smineusername, however, disagreed. “Two days a week isn’t much to have a partner,” they said. “It’s just part of renting a room and sharing rooms. I would suck it up.”

There might be a more sensible solution to the homeowner problem, says one expert. A spokesman for SpareRoom, the website for renting rooms, said news week: “It’s always best to have these conversations before people move in, as most problems can be avoided by setting clear expectations.

“However, this is not always possible. One approach suggested by a SpareRoom user was what they call the “friend rule”. Essentially, for every night in a week that he has his partner, your lodger has to spend one night at his partner’s house so that you have some alone time.

“The bottom line is that you need to be comfortable in your own home, so sit down with your lodger and have the conversation as openly and calmly as possible.”

A laughing couple and an angry woman.
A woman is asked to confront her lodger about the unsolicited number of visits her boyfriend is making to the property.
Prostock Studio/vadimguzhva/Getty Anger as Lodger’s friend stays without asking: ‘Take advantage’

Rick Schindler

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