A father is being praised for refusing to go to his daughter’s 16th birthday party even though she didn’t speak to him about his decision for a month afterwards.
As a contributor to the popular Reddit forum r/AmITeA**hole – often stylized as “AITA” – u/idk3587 received over 5,600 upvotes and 700 comments for his post “AITA for not going to my daughters 16th birthday?”.
The original poster (OP) states that he has two daughters with different mothers, a 14-year-old ‘E’ and a 16-year-old ‘R’. R lives in another city with her mother, but stays with her father during the summer and holidays. E stays with him since her mother is dead.
Unfortunately, the two half-sisters don’t get along and try their best to avoid each other when R stays at home. In an extra fold, their birthdays are just two weeks apart, with R’s birthday coming first.
It’s that birthday proximity that’s at the root of the problem. R planned her 16th birthday party for the same day as E’s birthday. The OP asked if there was a reason she needed to have her party on that day and not “on her birthday, or the weekend, or even next week, or, I don’t know, any day other than that day”. but R didn’t have one, just that she wanted it on that particular day.
Her father tried to get her to change her mind and R refused. He then asked E what she thought about celebrating her birthday on another day – and she also declined. The OP called R back and said he couldn’t go unless she change the date, listing his reasons:
- She could choose any day, she knew it was E’s birthday.
- E wasn’t invited and I thought it would be very cruel to leave her alone on her birthday.
- That way, they would each have one parent with them, which would be fair
This didn’t go over well as u/idk3587 said R “started yelling at me and called me [a**hole] for choosing E over her.”
In a comment, the OP said he visited R on her birthday, but R refused to see him.
“I’m starting to feel bad because it was a milestone birthday, but I still think I made the right choice. R and her mom disagree, so aita?” he asked.
Although there were no sisters, advice columnist Carolyn Hax addressed a similar situation in a 2015 column. In this case, a woman had planned a “milestone” birthday party for herself and hired caterers and a bartender. However, when her sister-in-law found out about the party, she told her to cancel because she had a party for her little daughter.
The letter writer declined because she had made every effort to avoid conflict – including her party the night after the child’s party – but her sister-in-law told her daughter she would have to cancel her party anyway. Young girl disappointment.
Hax immediately agreed that the letter writer had done nothing wrong.
“Not only is your sister-in-law wrong, she went all out on Froot Loop. Who throws kiddie parties with commando shows? Does she cancel then? Then tell the kiddie why?” Wrote Hax.
Although in the case of Hax’s letter, the solution was to stick to the schedule, in this case, Redditors argued that R was dead wrong in trying to thwart any birthday plans E might have with her father throw – especially since she apparently had no particular reason other than to hurt E with it.
“[Not the A**hole]She knew what she was doing when she planned this. When they don’t get along, it’s a blow, and an especially cruel one, since she knew he would force you to make your choice. I also wonder how much mum knows about planning a whole party on someone else’s birthday is pretty rude,” wrote u/GennieGenocide in the top rated comment with 10,400 upvotes.
“[Not the A**hole] – not just rude, but cruel,” agreed u/Disastrous_Ad_8561. R and Mom know what’s going on and want E to suffer. Don’t allow one child to burn another.”
“Planning your birthday party on your half-sister’s birthday and requiring your father to be present but not the ACTUAL birthday girl is about as rude and hateful as it gets. You already have plans to celebrate with the actual birthday boy of the day. It’s a long standing commitment/appointment for about 14 years,” wrote u/Creative_Tart7794.
“Absolutely [Not the A**hole]. R and R’s mother are massive [the a**holes]because one does it on purpose to show E that OP loves her more and the other allows it,” wrote u/dereksalem.
news week asked u/idk3857 for a comment.
https://www.newsweek.com/very-cruel-dad-praised-refusing-go-daughters-sweet-16-party-1712776 Dad gets praise for refusing to go to daughter’s Sweet 16 party