Internet commentators slammed a divorced father who lost his 17-year-old daughter’s trust more than three years after he accidentally tampered with it the first time.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITeA**hole, Redditor u/boomerangkidaita (aka the original poster or OP) detailed the custody agreement that has prevented him from seeing his daughter “Mary” regularly and revealed how his opportunity to change that vanished in the blink of an eye.
Captioned: “[Am I the a**hole] that I wouldn’t let my daughter live with me afterwards [my] Ex kicked her out?” The post has received almost 5,500 upvotes and 1,500 comments in the past ten hours.
“My ex-wife and I divorced 3 years ago and have 3 children together,” OP began. “So it came as a big surprise when, during a custody hearing, Mary read a statement stating that I was not a suitable parent.”
The original poster went on to explain that she lived with his ex-wife full-time and said that after the shocking statement, contact with his daughter was cut short and their relationship reduced to child support payments and contributions to a college fund.
The original poster also said he’d moved on, heartbroken – and moved in with his girlfriend and their three young children – and was as happy as he’s been since the divorce.
Then his daughter reappeared.
“A few weeks ago I got a surprise call,” the OP wrote. “She said my ex kicked her out of the house and she had nowhere to go. I immediately told her that I would help in any way I could.
“We have agreed to let Mary stay with us for a few days while we work things out…[but] Turns out Mary struggled with drugs and threw a huge party at my ex’s house and trashed the house,” OP continued. “After another conversation with mine [girlfriend]we have decided that we do not have enough space to accommodate Mary permanently.
“It broke my heart again but I had to tell Mary she can’t stay with us,” OP added. “She screamed and screamed and reminded me that I said I would help … but both she and my ex are refusing to speak to me.”
Divorce, while devastating for married couples, can be even more devastating for children.
About one in two children in the US will see their parents separated, according to data released by Legal Jobs.
And with half of the country’s children living in single-parent households or stepfamilies, the likelihood of both academic and behavioral problems is high, especially for children approaching middle and high school.
In fact, Very Well Family reports that children of divorce are 8 percent less likely to graduate from high school and 16 percent more likely to experience a variety of behavior problems if their parents separated between the ages of 7 and 14.
The original poster’s daughter was 14 when her parents divorced, which automatically put her at greater risk of wrongdoing later in her teenage years.
Throughout the comments section of the viral Reddit post, Redditors acknowledged the 17-year-old’s admitted wrongdoing, but called out the original poster for not intervening in a way that would benefit his teenage daughter.
“Your daughter is underage,” wrote Redditor u/panic_bread in the top comment of the post, which received more than 10,000 upvotes. “Your ex, who has sole custody of her, can’t legally kick her out.
“But also, dude, work on your relationship with your child,” they added.
Redditor u/azula1983, whose comment received more than 3,000 upvotes, offered a clearer answer.
“[You’re the a**hole]”, write. “It was a bit of weed, the best you knew was weed, and you called that a drug problem.”
“Even when you refused to keep her/threw her out, you didn’t know her mother would take her back,” they added.
In a separate comment, which has garnered more than 1,000 upvotes, Redditor u/greenseraphima questioned the original poster’s behavior towards his daughter and how it fits with his repeated insistence that he is heartbroken since their relationship was shattered.
“I think honestly [you’re the a**hole]”, write. “Throughout this post you’re upset that Mary didn’t want to live with you and how hurt you were… now is your chance to spend time with your daughter and find out why she said those things.
“But instead of taking that opportunity, you threw her out,” they added.
news week contacted u/boomerangkidaita for comment.
https://www.newsweek.com/dad-slammed-turning-away-teenage-daughter-kicked-out-ex-unfit-1738785 Dad slammed for turning away teenage daughter kicked out by ex: ‘Unfit’