The internet has come out in defense of a man who tried to throw his “down to earth” teenage daughter a birthday party against her mother’s wishes.
Posted on Reddit’s r/AmITeA****** forum, a mother shared her story under the anonymous username u/throw9779965 to get feedback from the “AITA” community.
The original poster (OP) began her story by stating that her 15-year-old daughter was grounded for reasons she didn’t mention in her post. Her daughter had two penalties: she was not allowed to go out for four days and her birthday party was cancelled. The OP also mentioned that she allowed her daughter to keep her electronics.
Recently her ex called and asked why she decided to cancel the party. When she presented her argument, he said he would throw the party instead. The OP refused, repeating that she was grounded.
She said: “He called me [ridiculous] but I told him that instead of working with me to solve these behavior problems, he encouraged bad behavior and acted like the cool parent. He said since he is also the parent I can’t stop him from throwing her a party and he will tomorrow. We got into a big argument and my husband agrees that my ex is a trailblazer.”
She believes her ex is “undermining” her parenting.
news week contacted u/throw9779965 for comment. We have not been able to verify the details of the case.
Newsweek has published several articles on parenting, including how “peaceful parenting” can create positive parent-child relationships, the 11 parenting tips you wish you knew sooner, and tips for dealing with “promzilla” teenagers.
Enabler in a parenting relationship
An “enabler” is a person who allows someone to continue dangerous or harmful behavior, said relationship therapist Lia Huynh news week.
Huynh spoke about the “enabler” warning signs to look out for. “An enabler may make excuses for the person, not set boundaries, or allow them to experience consequences for their actions. In turn, the person has no reason to change and continues with these detrimental behaviors.”
She explained news week that co-parenting can be difficult when two people are no longer in a marital relationship. She suggested that the woman and her ex discuss a compromise.
“If she tried and he doesn’t want to work with her, I would stand by my own decision to do what’s best for my daughter, even if she’s not happy about it, and despite what her father is doing. I would make sure I work extra hard to have a healthy relationship with my daughter. Mom can’t control what dad does, but she can control how she raises her daughter,” she said news week.
“[You’re the a******]. What a punishment [lets] A kid still has access to their electronics but won’t celebrate their birthday? This is ridiculous,” wrote u/NUT-me-SHELL and received the top comment from over 27,000 upvotes.
U/JeepersCreepers74 wrote: “[You’re the a******]. If your daughter has done something bad that justifies canceling a birthday party and grounding her on her birthday, then it’s bad enough that you and your ex need to discuss the appropriate punishment before imposing it, and generally up come the same side.
“You didn’t do that. You acted unilaterally when deciding how to deal with her and he’s just doing the exact same thing. In other words, you also undermined his parenting,” the commenter continued.
“There isn’t much my child could do that would justify canceling their birthday party while still allowing them to keep their electronics,” explained u/bolivia_422, “so it seems like a bit of a stretch really to combine the punishment with her birthday, which occurs once a year. [You’re the a******] for this seems to be a decision made out of defiance and anger, and not punishment, which should be a teachable moment.”
U/Cynthia_Castillo677 asked: “[You’re the a******]. Punishments are fine when warranted, but that doesn’t include taking away special occasions/holidays. What’s wrong with you? I knew a girl whose mother took the vacation away as a “punishment”. Said girl is no longer in touch with her parents and that is indeed one reason. Because seriously, who the hell does that?”
If you have a similar family issue, let us know at firstname.lastname@example.org. We can ask experts for advice and your story could be featured there news week.
https://www.newsweek.com/dad-backed-wanting-throw-grounded-child-party-against-moms-wishes-1761257 Dad supports because he wanted to throw a “Grounded” children’s party against mom’s wishes