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Over the past year, Bravo has scaled back its most anticipated staple, the Real Housewives Reunion. For some time now, the average reunion has been a three-course meal of shade, tears and revenue. And since then Real Housewives of Atlanta A bombshell that made Kandi Burruss scream “THE LIES!” THE LIES! THE LIES!”, the sufficiently dramatic Housewives seasons, have been extended to four.
Luckily, a producer or network executive recently decided that audiences really don’t need to spend an entire month thinking about already-dated storylines (and that usually at least an hour can be left on the cutting room floor!). So the latest RHOA The reunion, like the upcoming one, was a two-parter Real Housewives of New York See you again (which I kind of refuse). The Real Housewives of Orange County The reunion, which began this evening, is also a two-day event. And based on this mostly relaxed and oddly polite gathering – aside from Gina screaming “MY CHILDREN!” with all my heart – I understand why.
Given that the entire cast, including Taylor in the eleventh hour, has done the most this season, I would assume everyone is a little burned out. We don’t even begin with Andy visiting the women in their trailers and asking if they’re ready to call their castmates. (You’d think these ladies were the cast of summer house!) If that doesn’t tell you how much effort went into this reunion, Andy reveals their brand new, presumably cost-effective set, which is just a giant panoramic screen showing the beach. (It really looks very nice.)
So let’s start by tackling Ryan’s “accidental” dick pic and wondering if he and Jenn caught a break when he sexted another woman for the 500th time. I – and I suspect everyone else watching – really have no interest in the details of either scandal at this point. If Ryan being called a whore by every man, woman and child in Orange County isn’t enough to make Jenn run away, I doubt she’ll be convinced to meet him in which she is equipped with a number of alibis to let in the ass.
Even though I think Jenn is being stupid, I wanted to stand up and cheer when she rightly criticized Tamra for bringing her on the show just to humiliate her. Tamra denies that she didn’t convince her to come on the show and that it was Emily and Gina. (If that’s true, that’s weird because they both acted like they’d never met this woman before!) Anyway, all Tamra can say is that she didn’t know Ryan was a scumbag, until they started filming (secure) and that she despises cheaters.
Jenn tells Tamra that she is also a cheater because she started dating Eddie while she was still married to Simon. (To be fair, they were supposedly separated.) Tamra responds that she’s been married for 15 years, which doesn’t really refute that accusation. Whatever, I’m tired of having to worry about it! We’re also just ignoring the very real possibility that Jenn might be okay with Ryan doing whatever he wants on this site and feigning disappointment in front of the women because this is Orange County and (theoretically) monogamous!
But later on, Taylor makes a fleeting appearance to talk to Heather about their argument over her fake movie in Oklahoma. Apparently, Heather texted Taylor, “Where is Oklahoma?” when offered her a role, which Heather attributes to her lack of geographical knowledge. I don’t really buy it because Heather prides herself on being intelligent. However, if she had a blind spot in education, her hallmark would be not knowing anywhere outside of California and New York. Anyway, Heather apologizes again before Taylor and her giant bang are finally scared away.
Then we move on to Gina, who is a ball of emotion every time she opens her mouth and releases a waterfall of eyeliner. As Andy opens up about her divorce from Matt, she continues to downplay his abuse and attributes all of her trauma to his affair. But the more she talks about how the incident doesn’t affect her, the more it sounds like it does Really does. I assume that between infidelity and physical assault, it’s easier to focus on the former. I also just think she doesn’t want to keep rehashing the incident in public while they’re co-parenting.
Still, it’s uncomfortable to hear her repeat on national television that it was an “isolated” assault, and she knows Matt is “not one of those.” The Person” when that is exactly the logic victims use to get back to their abusive partners. Again: I’m not criticizing her because these are typical behaviors of a woman in her situation. However, I would rather look at this preservation with a therapist or literally anyone but Andy!
So let’s move on to something a little more fun: Child Protective Services! I hate Shannon for giving me a reason to side with Gina in an argument. But she really blew it by saying that CPS almost took Gina’s kids away after her DUI. Instead of taking a note from Heather’s book and offering an emotionless but appropriate apology, she claims she already apologized after Jenn cheated on her – which isn’t true. She literally denied that she ever said it before she had a panic attack.
Then Gina starts screaming: “My children! MY CHILDREN!” at the top of his lungs. At this point I’m used to Gina’s eyes bulging out of her head, but this Black Swan The eye makeup she wears – and the injection that has drawn her eyebrows down to her hairline – makes her look even sillier. But it has this strangely serious (of RHOC (Standards) Conference. I also laughed when Gina said that Shannon created “clickbait” by accusing her kids of having to see it someday, as if journalists were covering that comment like Trump’s accusations.
If the reunion were filmed a few weeks later, Gina Shannon’s DUI would obviously be back in her face here. Instead, Bravo includes a subtitle with information for anyone struggling with alcohol.
Next week we seem to be getting into everyone’s made up problems with Heather. And it’s annoying to watch Emily bring Snuffleupagus-Gate back to life in a preview. The best we can hope for is that Vicki emerges from behind a couch like Ghostface and makes us laugh with more of her happy ending stories. At the moment it doesn’t seem like she’ll be making an appearance, but when it comes to getting her screen time, you can never discount Vicki.