A man was praised by commentators for skipping his “homophobic” sister’s wedding to go to a gay bar with his boyfriend.
The Original Poster (OP), known as u/throwaway363738839, reported the situation on Reddit’s Am I The A**hole forum, where it received more than 9,700 upvotes and 1,200 comments. You can find the post here.
homophobia within families
According to guidelines developed by Dr. Caitlin Ryan for the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Administration (SAMHSA), acceptance by a person’s family can protect LGBTQIA+ people from substance abuse and depression.
A person who is openly accepted by their family for their gender expression or sexual orientation often feels higher self-esteem, social support and better overall health, Ryan said.
The research also found that people who experience family rejection are about 8.4 times more likely to report a suicide attempt and 3.4 times more likely to have unprotected sex than their peers who experience low levels of rejection are.
In the post, titled “AITA for skipping my homophobic sister’s wedding to go to a gay club?” the 23-year-old said he grew up idolizing his older sister, 29.
When the OP was 14, he came out as gay. He said his sister was always supportive, but their relationship changed after she met her now-husband in college.
“He was raised in a very traditional Christian household,” the post reads. “They met in a fraternity in Bama (she was in a fraternity, he was in a fraternity).”
The OP said that while his sister has always been supportive of him, she has always been “neutral” on politics. But after meeting her now-husband, she would be “visibly uncomfortable” with the OP talking about men.
“Once when her fiancé was on Facetime with us, I mentioned a Tinder date with a guy and she told him I was joking,” the post reads. “We kind of grew apart as we got older.”
After moving to California for college, the OP said he still called his sister but never spoke about his love life.
Although the OP didn’t really know his sister’s partner, he said he was happy for her when he proposed.
“They set the date a year later. A few months later, I’ve been seeing my now-boyfriend since he was 8 months old,” the post reads. “Incidentally, I found out that my boyfriend’s birthday was also my sister’s wedding day. We talked about it beforehand and decided to celebrate his birthday on a different day.”
“The Last Straw”
Although the OP’s sister knows about his boyfriend and said he could bring a date, she seemed “a bit distant” during the rehearsal dinner.
“At one point, I could see her fiancé looking at my boyfriend and I and whispering, ‘You’re going to make me and my family uncomfortable,'” the post reads.
After dinner, the OP’s sister pulled him aside to say not to bring his friend to the wedding because it’s in a traditional church and she wanted things to be done “safely”.
“I was pretty offended and asked her why she suddenly had a problem with me being gay,” the post reads. “She said it was okay that I was gay but I shouldn’t force it on everyone else. That was the last drop.”
The OP said his friend was hurt and he decided neither of them would attend the wedding. Instead, they decided to go to a gay club for his birthday. He wrote to his sister on the morning of the wedding that he would no longer be best man because he was not present.
The OP said his sister didn’t respond and they hadn’t spoken to each other since.
“I felt guilty for missing my sister’s wedding, and I know I’m not blameless here: We’ve been close for so long that no matter what she said to me, it hurts,” the statement said Post. “But I felt so drained during that rehearsal dinner, and I made a decision and I can’t undo that.”
Although he thinks he owes her an apology, the OP said he deserves an apology from his sister.
“Is it time to interrupt her for a while or should I be the one to apologize?” read the post.
More than 1,700 users commented on the post, many supporting the OP for not attending his sister’s wedding.
“NTA. Your sister and husband don’t accept you and your partner for who you are,” one user commented. “Instead, they want you to fit their image of what the wedding should be like. They’re pretty intolerant and obviously homophobic.”
“Your comment about forcing it on everyone else is insane,” commented another user. “I find it heartbreaking that she allowed this bigoted homophobe and his family to change their views and ruin their relationship with you… a gay club sounds way funnier than a wedding with guests judging who you love for.”
“Sister has to admit to being a fanatic as much as her new husband and his family,” commented another user.
“She chose a homophobic man because she’s homophobic,” commented another. “Their ‘don’t rub it in people’s faces’ is rich since you’re going to a wedding where they rub their straight relationship on everyone there.”
news week contacted u/throwaway363738839 and Dr. Caitlin Rose for comment.
Other viral posts
In another viral Reddit post, a man was praised for coming out to his “homophobic” family at his sister’s wedding, while a couple was criticized for refusing to let the groom’s father be his husband to be hers to have the wedding brought.
In another viral post, a man was backed for not inviting his brother over because he was planning to wear a rainbow tuxedo to his wedding.
https://www.newsweek.com/man-backed-skipping-sisters-wedding-gay-club-reddit-1747904 Husband supports for skipping sister’s wedding to go to gay club