Husband supports for turning down wife’s alcohol-free Thanksgiving: ‘Unreasonable’
Members of a popular internet forum rallied behind a man who scoffed at the idea of a dry Thanksgiving.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITeA******, Redditor u/teatotalledaita (aka the original poster or OP) said that two of his wife’s family members are recovering from alcoholics, but made it clear that it their way of recovery shouldn’t affect his holiday celebration.
Captioned: “[Am I the a**hole] because you didn’t agree to an alcohol-free Thanksgiving?” the since-deleted post has received more than 6,900 upvotes and 2,500 comments in the last day.
“My wife and I are hosting her family for Thanksgiving this year,” OP began. “In total we expect 15 people for dinner.”
The original poster went on to explain that both his wife’s uncle and cousin are recovering from alcoholism and said his mother-in-law had insisted Thanksgiving be alcohol-free and that his wife agreed without ever mentioning it to him.
The original poster also said he’ll be in charge of cooking the family’s entire Thanksgiving dinner — something he always does with a drink in hand.
“[My wife] about her family members in recovery and that her mother and aunt think we should do this with them out of ‘solidarity,'” the OP wrote. “I told her I understand … but I also don’t necessarily agree with forcing everyone else to switch [two] Persons.
“When I’m cooking, I like to enjoy a glass of wine, a beer or a cocktail. Especially when I’m in the kitchen for a long time cooking a massive meal for over a dozen people,” OP continued. “I told her if she wanted me to cook…then I should be able to dictate how I cook…including having a drink while I do it.
“It’s not like I’m going to start drinking at 9am, nor do I plan on getting drunk. But… I want to be able to cook the way I enjoy cooking,” OP added. “I’d be fine even without a drink with dinner, but that compromise is unacceptable to my wife. It must be 100 [percent] Non-alcoholic.”
The holidays are the perfect time to reconnect with family, enjoy a break from work and prepare for another new year.
For some, however, the holidays are geared towards alcohol consumption, with drinking seemingly encouraged at every turn.
According to the American Addiction Centers, nearly 14 million adults in the United States abuse or struggle with alcoholism.
But while alcohol remains the most common drug of abuse in addiction treatment programs, data released by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism shows that 35.9 percent of recovering alcoholics are able to stay sober.
The holidays are often a pivotal time for those in recovery, and according to Renaissance Recovery CEO Kevin Cataldi, family members and past traditions can unintentionally add fuel to the fire.
“It can be difficult to stay sober during the holidays,” he said news week. “Family can add an element of stress, and celebrations can lead to food cravings.
“A lot of people visit old places that might trigger,” he added. “Relapses can be a common problem during the holidays.”
Cataldi also told news week that while family members can contribute to certain cravings, they can also play a role in suppressing them.
“As far as alcohol goes, maybe you should also ditch old traditions for new ones, like serving mocktails instead of or in addition to alcohol,” he said. “Use unlabeled cups and glasses when consuming alcohol…empty beer bottles and liquor bottles can be a relapse trigger for some.”
“Don’t think of it as hiding the alcohol,” he added. “Think of it more as creating a more comfortable environment for your loved one.”
On several occasions, the original poster expressed his willingness to accommodate his wife’s family members, but made it clear that any accommodation should not be at his expense.
In the comments section of his viral post, many Redditors defended his stance and called on his wife to abstain from all alcohol without a conversation.
“This is unreasonable,” Redditor u/Encartus wrote in the top comment of the post, which received more than 20,000 upvotes. “You have every right to drink in your own home if you want.
“That means,” they added, “if you decide to die on that hill, it’s going to make your life very hard for a while.”
Redditor u/JDaleFranklin, whose comment received almost 4,000 upvotes, offered a similar answer.
“You have every right to enjoy a drink in your home while you cook Thanksgiving dinner, and someone in healthy recovery would not ask you to change that,” they wrote.
“When you cook for everyone, you can do whatever makes you happiest/most comfortable,” chipped in Redditor u/He_Who_Is_Right_, receiving almost 2,500 upvotes. “If that means you want to enjoy an adult beverage, then you have that privilege.
“They were nice … to offer not to drink at the table in front of someone who has just recovered,” they added. “That’s the reasonable compromise.”
news week asked u/teatotalledaita for a comment. We have not been able to verify the details of the case.
If you have a similar family issue, let us know at email@example.com. We can ask experts for advice and your story could be featured there news week.
https://www.newsweek.com/man-backed-rejecting-wifes-alcohol-free-thanksgiving-unreasonable-1760543 Husband supports for turning down wife’s alcohol-free Thanksgiving: ‘Unreasonable’