Members of a popular internet forum were horrified after a mother-to-be shared the disgusting joke told by her fiancé’s best friend at a recent family reunion.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITeA**hole, Redditor u/Throwra90678 (aka Original Poster or OP) said she recently found out she was pregnant, but explained how the “erroneous Friend’s Personality” ruined her announcement of the special news.
Captioned: “[Am I the a**hole] for kicking my fiancé’s best friend out of the wedding after he told my fiancé to take a paternity test?” The post received nearly 10,000 votes and 1,400 comments in the last day.
The original poster wrote that her fiancé’s (dubbed Jason) best friend was the “brutally honest guy” and said that she had become one of his favorite targets and that he often made “sneaky comments” about her sex worker past. She added that her fiancé brushes off the insults and expects her to do the same, saying she was promised the friend would “behave” at the couple’s wedding.
Unfortunately, Jason didn’t wait until the wedding to step out of line.
“My fiancé and I found out we’re pregnant,” the OP wrote. “We visited my future [in-laws] to make the announcement and Jason was already there.”
“After dinner, my fiancé and I got up and made the announcement. Everyone rushed to congratulate us except Jason, who sat still and admittedly kept looking into my eyes [strange] ‘ OP continued. “I was avoiding him, but then he got up, hugged my fiancé, then looked at him and said, ‘3 words man … paternity test right away.'”
Noting that everyone in the room was shocked by Jason’s comment, the original poster said several parties attempted to defuse the situation but assured that she was treating her fiancé’s best friend in the only appropriate way.
“I went to Jason and asked him to repeat what he had said. He tried to pull away because my face was inches from his,” the OP wrote. “I lashed out at Jason, calling him an insensitive asshole and for not officially inviting him to the wedding after he accused me of being unfaithful.”
“Jason yelled some stuff…that he meant no harm and then left in a hurry,” OP continued. “My fiancé and his mother agreed with my irritation but said that if I uninvited him from the wedding I would be going too far.”
“My fiancé said Jason was just kidding and I blew up over nothing,” OP added. “He still thought I was overreacting after I told him how I felt when his boyfriend ruined my joy and humiliated me [in front] of my [in-laws.]”
Just as disrespect between romantic partners is almost guaranteed to poison any relationship, disrespect for a partner’s friend is sure to have the same effect — especially when this behavior is overlooked.
Despite the expert opinion provided via WebMD that “acceptance” is the best way to deal with a partner’s sexist and demeaning friends, allowing a friend to openly disregard a romantic partner is a big red flag and shouldn’t be relied upon be taken lightly.
In 2017, lifestyle website Madame Noire addressed the issue of a partner’s blatant boyfriends head-on, offering advice on what to do when the same partner refuses to put an end to the disrespect.
“When it comes to dealing with your partner’s friends who don’t seem to show you much respect, I say nip it in the bud,” asserted Madame Noire author Victoria Uwumarogie. “While we’d love for our significant other to rush in and save us from crappy people they’ve befriended, we have to be willing to draw a line ourselves.”
“At the end of the day, that’s your partner’s friend — it doesn’t have to be yours,” added Uwumarogie. “They don’t have to like you, but they will be uncomfortable Everyone if they don’t learn to respect you.”
While general discomfort is a reaction to disrespect from a partner’s girlfriend, the original poster made it clear that her fiancé’s best friend had been making her uncomfortable for quite some time.
After being targeted by such a vile joke – in what was actually a joyous moment – dealing with the discomfort wasn’t an option. But excluding her husband’s best friend from all other happy moments – like the couple’s wedding – was it.
Throughout the comments section of the viral post, Redditors applauded the original poster for putting her fiancé’s best friend in his place, while also drawing attention to their fiancé himself.
“[Not the a**hole]” wrote Redditor u/ForgottenTroll in the top comment of the post, which received more than 16,000 votes. “Jason didn’t ‘say it like it is.’ He was fucking offensive.”
“You absolutely had the right to confront him, and to do so harshly,” they continued. “Accuse you of cheating? no Unacceptable.”
“This guy has zero respect for OP, his friend’s relationship/marriage, and is totally comfortable saying some obnoxious things about and in front of OP because it’s clear [her] Fiance doesn’t see much wrong with that,” added Redditor u/Youcannotbeforreal2, receiving more than 6,000 votes. “Of course it’s more important that Jason can say whatever he wants [than] OP will be treated with respect.”
Redditor u/BriefHorror, whose comment received almost 7,500 votes, echoed this opinion.
“I know so many men who would never tolerate the disrespect your fiancé did to you,” they wrote. “He can either step up and be a partner who doesn’t let the people in his life treat him as less, or he can go.”
“Exactly right,” chipped in Redditor u/Lennox120520. “And what ‘brutal honesty’ will he show to this kid? Years?”
“Dad doesn’t laugh any less,” they added.
In a separate comment that received almost 2,000 upvotes, Redditor u/MamanBear79 hammered home a point made by many other commenters.
“It’s not a boyfriend problem, it’s a fiancé problem,” they wrote. “You should NEVER have been put in this position. Where was your fiancé and father of your unborn child when his friend insulted you?”
“Your fiancé is actually the wrong person here. I don’t care what story they have,” they continued. “He has a duty to protect you from that [a**hole]and should have been the one to tell his friend he was completely out of line.”
https://www.newsweek.com/man-dragged-defending-friends-insensitive-jab-pregnant-fiancee-1711905 Man dragged for defending friend’s ‘insensitive’ slap at pregnant fiancée