Man who wants to spend Thanksgiving with his sister’s ex-husband has been slammed

A man who cuts ties with his family and spends Thanksgiving with his former brother-in-law has been snubbed by Reddit users.

In a post shared with the Bin I the A******? In the forums on November 17, a Redditor with the handle brithavx explained that his sister Tory married his friend Brendan in 2018. “Brendan is like my brother now, we are so close,” he wrote.

However, in 2020, Tory left Brendan for another man – and the original poster hasn’t spoken to his sister since.

His parents sided with Tory in the split, while Brithavx sided with Brendan. This created a rift in the family and after Brithavx made derogatory remarks about his sister sleeping around, his parents stopped speaking to him. He spent the holidays with Brendan’s family last year and plans to do the same this time.

His post has received over 13,000 upvotes and more than 4,000 comments since it was published a week ago. After reading the man’s story, Redditors settled on a verdict of “everyone sucks,” meaning there are no winners—only losers—in this situation.

How to end a family feud

More than a quarter (27 percent) of Americans are estranged from a family member, according to a study by sociologist Karl Pillemer for his 2020 book Fault Lines: Broken Families and How to Fix Them.

In a survey of 1,300 American adults, Pillemer found that 10 percent were alienated from a parent or child, 8 percent were alienated from a sibling, and 9 percent were alienated from an extended family member such as an aunt, uncle, grandparent, or cousin had broken off.

Researchers and family therapists believe that family rifts are becoming more common, with studies suggesting that more children are separating their parents.

Unhealthy dynamics between siblings can also impact a person’s mental health long after childhood, whether through competitiveness, bullying, or controlling behaviors.

Laurie Poole, a counselor at The Montfort Group in Texas, said breaking up can be difficult for the whole family.

“Each person brings their own feelings into the mix,” she said news week.

“Being in the middle is an unwinnable situation because family members often want allies and draw others into the conflict for support.”

In situations like the one described by Redditor Brithavx, Poole said communication is the only way forward. However, it is important not to go in circles with complaints.

“In any conflict, everyone wants to feel recognized and heard, even when others disagree,” she said.

“I’m not sure the poster thinks his position was really understood. Instead, he was told that he should be able to overlook betraying his best friend, which even now he can’t.

“I would encourage Brithavx to have a conversation with his sister – in the presence of a therapist if possible – to talk about how he was affected by what happened. This whole family needs family therapy, there’s a lot more going on here than history tells.”

“Either my sister isn’t invited or I’m not coming”

In the Reddit post, Brithavx, 28, said he was initially upset when his boyfriend Brendan started dating his sister. However, the relationship brought him and Brendan closer and brithavx was best man at their wedding.

He described Tory and Brendan’s split as “reality TV guy s***” that made him and his parents “incredibly upset”. However, his mother and father decided to support Tory. Not long after, brithavx stopped talking to his sister and got in touch with his parents.

The issue escalated when brithavx later in 2020 refused to attend Tory’s second wedding. “My dad and I had a fight about this,” he wrote. “My mother tried to play peacekeeper for the family. My parents then started treating me with silence.”

As the 2020 Christmas season rolled around, Brithavx was not invited to spend time with his family. His parents said it was because he “did go out a lot during COVID” and didn’t want him to “spread disease.”

“My exact answer was, ‘If you’re worried about getting diseases from other people. Shouldn’t worry about Tory anymore. I mean, she’s the one who likes to sleep around.’”

Since then, his parents have refused to speak to him unless he apologizes to Tory. “I responded with a Bible verse about adultery and how they support it. I was verbally abused again and we hardly spoke until October 2021,” he said.

Brithavx is now spending the holidays with Brendan and his family as he refuses to be around Tory while his parents refuse to cut her off.

“I don’t bother with that [my dad’s] shit more,” he wrote. “Either my sister isn’t invited or I’m not coming.”

Brendan’s family has also gotten involved. After Thanksgiving last year, Brendan’s mom posted on Facebook about “Family is who you choose” and tagged brithavx. The poster’s mother saw the news, which sparked another argument.

Although Redditors don’t condone Tory’s cheating or the parents’ ultimatum, many have questioned Brithavx’s stance.

“It is evident that you are deeply involved in and enjoying the DRAMAH!” said dekebasswood.

“You refuse to accept your sister’s decision to transition from her marriage to your friend.”

No-Manufacturer9125 wrote: “Sending Bible verses to his parents and saying that his sister spreads diseases.

Wowjrumba commented, “There’s some serious misogynistic vibes from the post. Not even that he likes it when his boyfriend dates his sister at all? She is not property, she is a person.”

Cocomilo agreed, saying the Redditor was “overly involved and judgmental of his sisters’ romantic relationships. This behavior seems so unhealthy and intense.”

SomeoneYouDontKnow90 said: “The fact is you have no idea why your sister’s marriage fell apart.

“You weren’t married to Brendan. Just because he’s a good brother doesn’t mean he’s a good husband. Your sister made a decision and you should already respect her.”

news week asked brithavx for a comment. We have not been able to verify the details of the case.