A relationship coach has made waves online when he claimed men don’t want to listen to their partners’ opinions.
Ellen Schultz, 48, known as @drellenlovecoach on TikTok, is a self-proclaimed love coach who uses her platform to advise on how to be a happy wife with a happy life.
Having previously completed a Ph.D. in applied theater and working as a drama therapist, Schultz decided to turn to relationship coaching after doing her research into a series of failed relationships.
She began posting relationship advice online and quickly turned the role into a side hustle – and just before lockdown hit in 2020, she opted to work as a full-time love coach.
“The problem is that the core of my work can be controversial and provocative,” Schultz said.
“Of course your husband wants to hear your world views and opinions; we want to be able to have these long philosophical discussions, but because the woman is in this competitive defensive dynamic with her man, conflict can arise very quickly.
“While women struggle collectively against patriarchy, on a personal level women also struggle with their husbands and fathers.”
Schultz, from Belfast, Northern Ireland, began studying relationship dynamics between men and women after suffering a series of heartbreaks in her 20s and early 30s.
As a fan of Sex and the CityShe says she was influenced by the show’s ideas and believed that she should be able to find a devoted partner just by dating, and together they could live happily ever after.
After becoming a single mom in her 20s and early 30s, she began to question what the problem was and began using books, online courses, and webinars to find the missing pieces in her relationships.
She discovered her problems related to her behavior and way of thinking in relationships. Reconnecting with a former colleague she had known for 10 years made her feel ready to embark on the relationship she had always wanted.
However, after Schultz got married in 2013 after a year-long relationship and engagement, she found they got into arguments and arguments after the wedding, and she’s struggled to understand why.
Schultz decided to look back at relationship books and classes, and even work with relationship coaches — and that’s when she realized it was something she could do on her own.
With a background in theater, she knew she was confident in front of the camera and began sharing relationship content as a side hustle on Facebook in August 2018 before becoming a full-time love coach in October 2020.
Now she uses TikTok to create videos that focus on relationships, specifically how to be a happy wife with a happy life.
One of her recent videos takes a somewhat controversial approach, claiming that men don’t want to hear their partner’s opinion on world affairs or politics. It can make women stronger when they stop fighting with their husbands.
“There are a few different ways to look at this because it’s really quite a complex approach — it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it,” Schultz said.
“Many women, through societal programming, feminism and their childhoods, feel a need to break out of the oppression that absolutely has taken place – they have been oppressed, mistreated, abused and are now coming through decades of fighting patriarchy and misogyny.
“Little girls are taught that they have to be tough, which is true, but by the time we’re in our 20s and beyond we have this really strong kind of armor that’s like, ‘Don’t mess with me, I’m tough , I’m naughty, I’m wild.
“Then when we find ourselves in a romantic relationship, we unconsciously emasculate and respect the man because we’ve become quite masculinized and they’ve been feminized — they don’t know what their role in the relationship is anymore, men don’t know, and women know.” Not.
“Women are extremely frustrated – she does everything, plans vacations, schedules, works full time, takes care of the house, and it started in the dating days when she arranged dates, picked him up and bought him gifts.
“You find yourself in a Catch 22 role and it’s quite difficult to find yourself back in the female role – we don’t understand why we ended up with this man who isn’t a daredevil and we’re asking , why he lies on the sofa and plays video games all the time.
“It’s our energies and behaviors that sustain it and push it away – a manly man will disagree and he wants to be right.
“We want to be able to find our vulnerability and show that to our man in a way that inspires his commitment to us and propels him to rise to a male leadership role.
“It comes down to masculine and feminine energies – when you have two masculine energies in a relationship it can lead to a lot of conflict and competition; we need the polarity for chemistry and passion, and when it’s not there, it can get boring, boring, living with your roommate’s vibe, and then affairs can happen.
“We have mother energy. We’re his boss, his secretary, his CEO, and often times we’re so full of opinions about what he wears, eats, and who he’s friends with that we’re just incredibly powerful.
“Most men love a woman who can speak for herself and who has a voice. It’s something a man is really drawn to, but not when it’s directed against him, which is what’s happening.
“Again, a lot has to do with self-worth — really opinionated women want to be right and have the last word, but you don’t always have to have the last word when you’re talking to your man about something.
“Often these women have trauma and low self-esteem – our nervous systems are very activated and we don’t feel secure in ourselves, but trauma healing and inner child healing can help.
“A big caveat to this is that my advice doesn’t apply to women in abusive situations, if physical abuse occurs, get out there right away and get help — there’s a lot of gray areas in abusive relationships, seek professional advice and help.” “
This story was provided to Newsweek by Zenger News.
https://www.newsweek.com/men-dont-want-listen-their-partners-opinions-relationship-coach-1719133 Men don’t want to listen to their partner’s opinions: relationship coach