The internet has blasted a mother for telling her daughter her grades are more important than her pain.
Posted on Reddit’s r/AmITeA**hole forum, a mother, using the anonymous username u/EbbApprehensive1470, shared her story to get feedback from the “AITA” community. The popular post has over 9,000 upvotes and 2,000 comments.
The original poster (OP) began her story by explaining that her 16-year-old daughter was in a car accident a few months ago. She was taken to the hospital with minor injuries, but was discharged after a few days of observation. However, her daughter still complained of pain.
The OP went to have her checked out by a GP but they couldn’t find anything wrong. She told her daughter that it was probably just a trauma reaction and that she would be fine. The OP said her daughter had stopped complaining about her pain so she figured everything was fine.
“Fast-forward to yesterday and I got an email from her teacher that in class she is constantly distressed and puts her head down and not attending,” the OP wrote, “She was already blushing from this and I decided to check her grades.” . She turned in several assignments late and lost points in the process, which is not her typical performance at all.
“I confronted her about it and she was very quiet at first, like she didn’t know what to say. I pushed her into it and she started talking about pain again, which I honestly think is bulls**t. Didn’t say a peep about it for two months, only when her grades dropped. We started arguing about it, and I said her grades were more important than her “pain.” She’s a junior this year, it’s not the time to slack off,” she continued.
The OP said her daughter wouldn’t leave her room, wouldn’t talk to anyone, and didn’t want to go to school either.
news week asked u/EbbApprehensive1470 for a comment.
How to help teenagers through trauma
Are you going through a similar situation as the OP? Here are a few ways you can help your child through trauma, according to childmind.com:
- Let your teen know they’re safe. Even if your teen doesn’t want one, offer them a hug as it can help them feel safe.
- Give your child chores around the house and applaud them for a job well done. However, do not overwhelm your teen with projects at home as this could increase their anxiety.
- Use activities that you and your child can do together and lean into a conversation so they can speak their mind. Always be open to discussions about her trauma.
- Research support groups that your teen can go to and listen to others share their experiences.
news week has published several articles on parents and teenagers, including a parent who was told not to call his teenage daughter’s boss about a raise, a teenager who was backed for telling the third of her polyamorous parents she wasn’t her second Mom, and parents calling their teen ‘lazy’ for two jobs to pay for college.
U/CanterCircles wrote and received the top comment from over 22,000 upvotes: “You assumed because she was shutting up about her pain, because you told her that he is no more. And you use her silence as evidence while ignoring that you told her to stop talking about it. Yes. [You’re the a**hole]. Whether that pain is physical or psychological, it’s still incredibly real pain. She needs help, not some shitty parent telling her to shut up and then throwing her silence back in her face. Do it better.”
U/CrimsonKnight_004 said: “You abandoned your daughter two months ago. You’re failing her now. Do it better. apologize to her HELP HER. Your well-being is much more important than insignificant grades. I mean really. Would you rather have a living daughter with a drop in grades due to a medical problem or a dead daughter with straight A’s on her high school diploma?”
“[You’re the a**hole]. Your daughter could easily have concussion symptoms or other problems. Or PTSD. In any case, there are already quite a number of people in the world who are minimizing medical problems for women. You are not needed for this. Support your child,” exclaimed u/bobledrew.
“[You’re the a**hole]. What you are saying is that your pain is not important to YOU. Your doctor couldn’t figure it out? Find another doctor. Whether or not a precise physical cause has been identified, their pain is real, their need for relief is real, and their knowledge that you care more about their grades, that their well-being is absolutely, absolutely real,” urged u/ big_bob_c the OP.
https://www.newsweek.com/mom-dragged-saying-daughters-grades-are-more-important-her-pain-1747733 Mom dragged for saying her daughter’s grades are more important than her pain