Mom hit out because she didn’t want daughter to cut sister out of their marriage and life

A mother who says she doesn’t want to “choose between” her daughters is tugged at by taking sides in a long-running feud between them.

The mother, u/ClothesRadiant730, shared her story with the popular Reddit forum r/AmITeA**hole and received 6,300 upvotes and 1,400 comments for her post “AITA for weweing to choice between my daughters”.

The original poster (OP) daughters are “Erika,” 23, and “Sarah,” 25. Erika and Sarah “never got along,” she says, and while she hoped that would change as they grew up, it didn’t.

“I’ve tried very hard to encourage them to grow together as it has always been my wish for them to be best friends and take care of each other when I’m away. Nothing worked and they seemed bent on hating each other.” u/ClothesRadiant730 wrote.

While it doesn’t sound like the two have ever been friends, OP says one of the biggest sticking points is that Sarah’s close friend died when Erika was 16. The funeral was scheduled to coincide with one of Erika’s sporting events, and she had to skip it. While OP says Erika said “some horrible things” to her sister, she adds that Erika “didn’t know any better” since she “never let a friend die before.”

“Sarah still seems angry about it, which I think is a testament to just how resentful she can be,” she wrote.

OP says Sarah stopped talking to Erika when she went to college. While Erika stayed home, “she and her mother became closer,” and OP had hoped their relationship would be repaired. Sarah “seemed struggling to get along with Erika” when Erika also went to college – but then Sarah said her sister was “bullying” her and blocked her on her phone.

When Erika told her mom that Sarah blocked her, OP demanded Sarah tell her why — then told her, “Family is family, and you can’t just block family for no reason,” calling Sarah “immature.” .

“It’s been about 2 years and Sarah hasn’t had a relationship with Erika since then. Every time I see Sarah I try to remind her that Erika loves her and tell her about the reality of the situation – that Sarah is successful and Erika is fair and gets jealous at times. Sarah always seems very upset whenever I bring up Erika and gets moody,” she wrote.

Now Sarah is getting married. OP was upset that she didn’t invite Erika to the engagement party and again told her it was hard for Erika to see Sarah’s success. She also kept asking if Erika was invited to the wedding, and Sarah “finally snapped at her” for not having a relationship with her and not knowing why OP would think Erika would be invited.

“I was horrified. In my opinion, Sarah’s childish, vengeful antics have gone too far. You just don’t treat your family that way – don’t you invite them to your wedding?” u/ClothesRadiant730 wrote. “I don’t want anything to do with the wedding at this point – I will be attending but I have no desire to help a daughter who treats her family that way. I feel like Sarah is just asking me to choose between her and her sister and I don’t want anything to do with that. My husband thinks I might be a bit harsh, but Erika agrees with my decision.”

toxic mother sister wedding no contact reddit
A woman is kidnapped for trying to force her daughters to communicate when one has cut the other out of her life.

Although the OP says that “you can’t just block family,” sometimes that’s the best route to a healthy, happy life. Sometimes family members can mend relationships and be happier together than apart — but that generally only happens when a third party isn’t trying to force it.

And sometimes family members can be “toxic.” Toxic family members aren’t just people you don’t get along with — it’s someone who “clearly displays an extreme level of disrespect or actual malice towards you” or “someone whose level of disrespect and malice towards themselves causes them to the family disrupting the lives of everyone else around them,” said psychologist Chloe Carmichael news week.

Carmichael shares three ways to deal with a toxic family member. She recommends setting and sticking to boundaries and trying to say it first. But when those two fail, the third path is the most drastic — and seems to be the path Sarah chose — to assess whether you need them in her life, and if the answer is no, to cut ties with them .

Toxicity manifests itself in many ways — including some weird ones, like a family trying to ban a pregnant woman from touching her own belly. But often, toxicity takes the form of favoritism or people exercising control over another’s life, even when they are adults.

Redditors hit the OP hard, calling her out for clearly siding with Erika, and some even asking if she liked her other daughter.

“[You’re the A**hole]”, wrote u/dr-thicc-hamster in the top rated comment with 17,000 upvotes. “Block family for no reason? She literally gave a very detailed list of reasons, among other things. How come you always make excuses for one child and always brush off all your other’s problems?”

“[You’re the A**hole] – You often mention that you encouraged your older daughter to be more respectful. You mentioned exactly zero times that you corrected your younger daughter’s behavior or expected her to be nice to her sister. Why is that?” u/redcore4 wrote.

“You also mention times when your older daughter literally told you that her sister was being rude and demanding and rude to her, and you used quotation marks for the word ‘bullying’ to show that you really don’t tell her at all believe. Why is that?” They continued. “It sounds like you are completely oblivious to your baby’s flaws and you blame all the friction on the old one who ‘should know better’ but your younger one Daughter is stubbornly naughty and entitled and you enable this all the way I wouldn’t bet your older daughter would be desperately upset if you had chosen not to support the wedding: she has had no support for in life thus far You, so why would you change now?”

“Wait…at Sarah’s ENGAGEMENT PARTY, instead of congratulating her, did you tell her Erika was having a hard time seeing her succeed? And you don’t understand why you’re the asshole?” u/Acrobatics-Cover2712 wrote. “It seems like Sarah is never allowed to enjoy anything without you raising Erika. I don’t know if Erika is jealous or you, but it sounds exhausting. No wonder Sarah escaped.[You’re the A**hole]”

“Main [You’re the A**hole] after [revealing what happened at the funeral] you’ve already chosen a child,” wrote u/Acrobatic_Position25. “16 is WAY beyond the age that most kids know isn’t the most spoiled and entitled person I’ve ever seen.”

“You sound like you really dislike your own child…I guess it’s lucky that only one person isn’t invited to the wedding…” wrote u/zlm542.

“Do you even like Sarah??????” u/pastelsundaye asked.

news week contacted u/ClothesRadiant730 for comment. Mom hit out because she didn’t want daughter to cut sister out of their marriage and life

Rick Schindler

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