A mother split opinions online after admitting her in-laws’ love for their children was “too much” and irritating.
The anonymous mother used the popular forum Mumsnet to express her concerns about her in-laws and their behavior towards their children, explaining that she doesn’t get along well with her husband’s parents at all.
Although strong grandparent-grandchild relationships are a desirable aspect of many families, this mother expressed concern at how much they love their children. “It’s like my kids are the center of their universe. It’s all about them and they constantly want to see them at every opportunity,” she began.
The mother shared that her in-laws often ask for photos of the children when they are separated, and she complies. “Most times when I send something, it’s an overly worried comment from my mother-in-law about something really trivial in the picture. For example, oh, that eye looks swollen or her hair looks a bit disheveled strained, is she alright? Or if they have a mild illness, she really needs to step in and push me to get more tests, even though I’m comfortable with everything the doctors have told me,” the mother wrote.
The grandparents regularly show up at their house unannounced, even when their other grandparents are nearby, and pick up the children to spend the day with them instead. “My daughter is excited because there are no limits and she can do whatever she wants there (another problem). And I just have to join in,” wrote the mom
“The other day I was in the shower and my mother was there. They showed up and said they would take my daughter to their house with me first…it didn’t even occur to them. “
Her concern, she explained, lies in the belief that her in-laws are trying to influence the children’s upbringing to prevent them from becoming too much like their mother. “I don’t think you trust me! We have quite different views on life and I think they want to make sure my kids spend as much time with them as possible so they are less influenced by me,” she wrote.
According to the mother, every time she ever stood up for herself in these situations, her mother-in-law yells, screams and cries, calling me a bad person.
Controlling in-laws is a common dilemma faced by couples and one news week recently spoke to experts about it. Heather Lofton, a therapist at Northwestern University’s Family Institute, narrates news week Signs of a controlling mother-in-law include requesting personal information, forcing her presence at inappropriate times, and making demands or requests that you are uncomfortable with.
While this is an understandable concern for many, this anonymous mother’s attitude towards her in-laws has divided users on how to feel. For some, it was a sheer overreaction, as many families wished for such dedicated grandparents, while others found the behavior controlling.
“The problem is that they are overbearing, too involved and too critical. Why does it fall to you to send pictures? Why not her own son? I would blame him for all of this. If the mother-in-law does a When she says your daughter’s hair is too tight, ask if she thinks you can’t raise your kids,” one user recommended.
However, another argued that “in the real world, your thoughts about it would be considered irrational. Which you acknowledge a little yourself. Children are not a possession that only one group of people should love most, what is the measure of everyone else’s love should remain below the level, it is not a competition.
“You have to figure that out and let go. Your children are lucky to have such loving grandparents. That’s their privilege, and if you try to interfere, you’re taking something away from them.”
However, the majority remained equally divided in their views, recognizing both sides of the dilemma.
“They seem a bit out there and the video stuff is weird. But seeing her grandkids once a week doesn’t seem excessive. You may find that the harder you try to keep them at bay, the more they push back,” commented one user.
“My mother has looked after my daughter in her house since she was little and has always enjoyed her time with her as it’s a different dynamic than when we are there too.”
Another added: “Your in-laws sound a bit out of line but honestly you sound a bit irrational too. Pictures and the desire to see grandchildren are quite normal. Occasionally, daughters-in-law can get pretty sloppy and completely normal interactions as a major threat to them.
https://www.newsweek.com/mumsnet-mom-raging-laws-love-kids-too-much-1707780 Mom’s angry in-laws love her kids ‘too much’ Splits Views: ‘Irrational’