My fiancé cheated but we’re getting married next month – what should I do?

Dear Newsweek,

I was cheated on. I found out in August 2021 that my boyfriend, who I had lived with for several years, had cheated on me. The other woman’s best friend told me. I confronted my friend and he admitted it but also said he wanted to make it work.

We started therapy and decided that if we got through the cheating situation we would get married. Two months after we started therapy, the other woman wrote to me and mentioned our visits to therapy, which could only mean he was still talking to her. She asked me to let him go so they could be together. I confronted him again and he assured me it was over. However, the woman kept texting me and calling me.

In December 2021 I felt again that something was wrong. I caught him on the phone making some suspicious calls. Then I caught him hiding on the phone talking to the same woman. Then things fell apart between them and it ended after that. I was angry and hurt, just like the other woman.

we are still together We talk about it regularly and have an agreement that I can check his phone whenever I want. I still feel like he’s cheating but with someone else. He swears he’s not, but wWe’re getting married next month.

Beverly, unknown

Once a cheater, always a cheater

Holly Davis is an attorney at Kirker Davis LLP, based in Austin, Texas, and has extensive experience in high-net worth divorce cases.

This person is cheating on you, has cheated on you and will continue to cheat on you after marriage. There have been literally no consequences for a person like your fiancé when he stops cheating and so their behavior will continue. The passage of time without cheating is a factor to consider when trying to take someone back after they’ve cheated on you, but so far it doesn’t look like this fiancé has had many consecutive weeks without cheating, or at least enough , to justify marrying that person.

Often people hire me to handle their divorces when they were a scammer, and they admit that they knew they shouldn’t have married, but they just didn’t know how to tell the person that they “love.” should have,” that they actually weren’t in love with their spouse enough to stop looking for love elsewhere, and that’s not a person to get married to.

It seems like he doesn’t love you enough to remember you when he’s having sex with someone else, and he doesn’t love you enough to stop cheating after therapy, so the odds just don’t stack up against you favor.

Marriage is harder for relationships, not easier. Everyone needs constant work throughout the marriage to make it work. When one or both people stop working on the relationship, it usually ends in divorce, and having sex with other people is the definition of “not working on the relationship.” Bringing children into this dysfunctional relationship will not fix it, only complicate it. A person who doesn’t love you enough at the beginning of the relationship or marriage will definitely not be able to find the love and empathy to fight for the marriage when things get tough.

If you do marry him, make it financially worthwhile by entering into a prenuptial agreement. Throw in some fraudulent taxes to get his money where his mouth is. Don’t give him anything of yours because chances are this will end in a divorce and if you saw it coming enough to write about it on the internet beforehand, you can see it coming to save your fortune from its fraudulent ways to protect.

A relationship with infidelity causes low self-esteem, depression, and abandonment issues

dr Jeannelle Perkins-Muhammad is a Psychotherapist and Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 15 years of relationship and life coaching experience.

Anyone experiencing the treatment you describe in your relationship here needs immediate counseling. A relationship riddled with infidelity leads to anxiety and depression and reveals low self-esteem and concerns about abandonment.

I would suggest that you need to think or seek help to understand why you find it acceptable to be in a relationship and soon to be in marriage with a man who you know has cheated on you and who They suspect that he is still cheating on you with another woman. Paranoid, although justifiable actions like checking his cell phone will not stop a scammer from cheating. There is a lack of trust here, with no reciprocity of loyalty and commitment in this relationship.

A marriage should allow both partners to grow and prosper without the constant threat of emotional, sexual, or physical abandonment. You deserve commitment and reciprocity to affirm love and belonging. Without her, this relationship will not work. Regardless of the decision to marry or not, you need help setting boundaries and assessing your attachment style and behavior patterns. This is where counseling comes into play.

The fundamental component of marriage is trust, and you deserve to be loved, cherished, revered, and thrive in peace.