“My husband is not the father I imagined”
Allison*, 27, has just had her first baby and the new mom is struggling.
But it’s not motherhood or her little son that bothers her. It’s her husband Colin, 26.
Colin has been acting since her second trimester.
“Something changed. He became very sensitive and had frequent breakouts,” she explained in one Reddit Post Office.
“We talked a lot about him apologizing a lot too. Nothing has changed in my third trimester except that he was comfortable treating me badly.
“I’ve done my best to enjoy my pregnancy and even take care of his feelings because I know he’s been stressing about this big change.”
But then the baby came and Allison’s focus shifted to caring for her child and herself.
Colin finds having a baby around frustrating. “Less than 24 hours after our son was born, he was telling the baby, in a not-so-comfortable tone of voice, to ‘quiet’ and ‘relax’ because he was crying while he was changing his diaper.”
Since the couple returned home from the hospital, it has only gotten worse.
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Wife disappointed in husband as father
Colin has withdrawn from Allison and the baby.
“He can’t hold our son for more than five minutes while he’s picky without giving up and getting frustrated and handing him to me.
“He no longer wakes up in the middle of the night to comfort our son. He does almost nothing for him except change his diaper every day or hold him for two minutes.
“He tells me that he’s not sure if he should be an adequate father.”
Allison said that although Colin asked her to be patient with him while he rectified his behavior, she didn’t know what to do and asked the community for help.
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Some people felt Colin should give it up.
“I’m sorry to be so blunt, but this is a tough act for him,” said one person. “This isn’t about him anymore, this is about your baby. Your husband’s wants and needs are secondary at best. He can either get in or step aside.”
“It sounds like he’s a lazy bum who expects the woman to do the work. Always the same story,” said another.
“Hopefully he takes it somewhere else like a big boy and talks to a professional or men in his church, his own father or even the neighbor,” said a third person.
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Some people thought Colin was depressed.
“I can’t say he shows any major depression, but I’ve definitely recognized some of that since my first fatherhood,” one person wrote. “I finally agreed to get help from a professional. And it helped.”
Others said that maybe Colin just needed time.
“I went through a similar situation with my husband when we had our first son,” one person said. “For the first few months I really considered divorce and was scared of what my future would hold. But things steadily improved.
“As our son began to smile, giggle and interact, parenthood became more rewarding and meaningful to him. He’s SO good dad now.”
But one person had a chilling warning.
“Don’t leave your baby with a man raising his voice or using a ‘not so nice tone’ towards a literally newborn baby because he’s crying,” they said. “The next step from there is Shaken Baby Syndrome.”
*Names have been changed
