Newlywed husband who ‘admitted’ he didn’t think his wife was beautiful, hit out

Netizens at a top Reddit forum comfort a woman who overheard her husband telling his friends that he didn’t think she was beautiful.

U/ThrowAwayAllHurt, who posted to the popular subreddit r/TrueOffMyChest, received more than 13,800 upvotes and 2,500 comments for her admission: “My husband has admitted to his friends that he doesn’t think I’m beautiful. Nothing feels the same anymore.”

The original poster (OP) says that she and her husband just got married and had their honeymoon. After that, her husband had a video chat with his best friends. OP said hello and chatted for a while but then said she was going for a walk and left her husband and friends alone to chat – or so they thought.

As OP was about to leave she noticed that it looked like rain so she went back inside to get her raincoat. However, as she fetched the coat, she overheard her husband’s conversation.

“They started interrogating us about our honeymoon and they all teased and laughed until one of his best friends asked him if my looks were still a problem for him,” wrote u/ThrowAwayAllHurt. “My husband told her he loves me and that we had a great honeymoon and that I’m beautiful on the inside and he said, ‘You can’t have everything.'”

Her husband’s friend then asked if he felt he had been “downgraded” from his former girlfriend.

“‘Maybe, but she (me) makes me happy,'” reported u/ThrowAwayAllHurt when responding.

After that, other friends said that she would look better if she lost weight, and her husband agreed.

“Nothing feels like it used to. I always knew I wasn’t pretty, but I figured he liked the way I looked, or at least it didn’t bother me that much. I know he appreciates my other qualities and that he loves me and is very kind to me but I don’t feel comfortable with him and haven’t been happy since that day (5 weeks ago),” u/ThrowAwayAllHurt wrote.

She says she’s lost weight since then and he’s complimented her on making her feel horrible when he comments on him about her physical appearance – even positively.

“I hate every pep talk he has to say and yet I feel like I need to be more attractive to him. I feel so hurt it’s insane!” she wrote.

husband wife not attractive beautiful ugly reddit
A woman on Reddit is comforted after hearing her husband say she is unattractive and may be a “demotion” compared to his ex.
Boris Jovanovic/Getty

It’s never a good feeling when the person you love admits they’re not attracted to them. People don’t just want to feel loved, they want to feel desired. Advice columnist Carolyn Hax shared a similar story in a 2019 issue of hers Washington Post Pillar. In that column, the letter writer found a list her husband had made five years earlier of the “pros and cons” of being in a relationship with her – and her looks were on the “cons” list.

Hax told her that things can change and asked her if she had made such a list: “What would have been on your list then, and what would you put on it now?” Additionally, one reader offered advice, “People can become more attractive as we get to know her learned her quirks.”

Another advice columnist, Heather Havrilesky, in a 2014 issue of her “Ask Polly” column for, called for being more open about a woman’s feelings when her lover—who is otherwise great—disapproves of her looks.

“You’ve kept your mouth shut for far, far too long. you were young HEY LADIES! Don’t bite your tongue when your new lover starts awkwardly hurting your feelings about your physical traits are unique and beautiful in your own way and if a guy can’t see that with his lazy pig eyes then he should settle down with 2- D-pictures of his stones and leave you alone. (You can get that point without sounding like a vengeful evil queen in training, of course. In theory. Not that I’ve tried.),” Havrilesky wrote.

“Competitive hotness is also terrible for your soul and your personality. Stay in shape, shampoo your hair, sure, but don’t start thinking about your relative hotness in the room, in the neighborhood, in the city,” she added. “Because here is the real truth. Are you listening? EVERY WOMAN YOU KNOW IS AN OK PRETTY GIRL. Each. Every woman has been told there are hotter women out there.”

r/TrueOffMyChest netizens had u/ThrowAwayAllHurt’s back.

“That’s something you need to talk about together. Losing weight for health is great, but don’t just do it to please someone else. It could be something as simple as ‘I really like it when you put your hair up’ or ‘It’s really attractive when you do your makeup like that. I know my husband has preferences and I have them for him’. wrote u/OIWantKenobi. “Please talk to him. Do not put yourself down. He clearly loves you for you, but maybe he really isn’t good at expressing how he really feels about you.”

“As a couple, they need advice. As an individual, OP’s husband needs to learn to keep certain things to himself and set firm boundaries with his chatty friends,” u/firelark_ wrote. “Even if I thought my partner was ugly as sin, I would never say a word about it lest they ever hear a whisper about it, and I would insult any of my friends who tried to pressure me to talk about my partner negatively.” , even if they didn’t mean any real harm.”

“I’ve dated some wonderful women who were simple, ordinary or whatever (her words), and I’ve had nosy and rude ‘friends’ who would comment who I date is really nobody’s business. And if they continue I’ve ignored them and even stopped seeing a few of them,” u/LL_is_a_Cool_J wrote. “My business is my business. The OP’s man is either immature or just an idiot. Maybe both. I really feel sorry for her, this behavior is just so wrong.”

“Girl… the only way you can get over this is if you tell your man EVERYTHING you’re feeling. Stop acting shy. stop throwing yourself a pity party best solution to a problem,” wrote u/My_Immortal_Flesh. “PS. Tell your husband he’s not exactly Chris Hemsworth either.”

news week contacted u/ThrowAwayAllHurt for comment. Newlywed husband who ‘admitted’ he didn’t think his wife was beautiful, hit out

Rick Schindler

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