‘Survivor’ Exit Interview Season 44 Episode 4: [Spoiler] deselected

The following contains spoilers from Wednesday’s episode survivor.

In this week survivor, a new tribe member, shook up the game for Tika and ruptured the fabric of his majority alliance. After losing the immunity challenge, former Soka member Josh had an idol to protect himself as drama between Carolyn and Yam Yam led to a very unstable night at the Tribal Council. In the end, it was Sarah Wade, the Chicago business consultant, who was quickly sidelined. (Read a full synopsis here.)

Below, Sarah unravels the complicated Carolyn/Yam Yam dynamic and explains why she didn’t at least try to play her fake idol.

SIMILAR POSTS

TVLINE | In your last words you mentioned joining a “special club of sad, sad people” who all went home with idols in their bags, but when did you find out your idol was fake?
Sarah Wade | I learned that after everyone else finished the game. It was honestly the greatest relief I may have ever felt. After that, while sitting at Ponderosa, I thought, “I hope more than anything that it’s fake. I have no idea if it is, but that would give me so much relief.” And to find out that it was, I was like, “Oh my god, thank you.” It sucks to be cheated, but it also eliminates a lot of regret.

TVLINE | Why didn’t you try to play your idol after Josh played his?
So with Tribal, Carolyn and Jam Jam went back and forth. After that, Carolyn and Josh had a conference. They whispered to each other, and it seemed like whatever the plan was, they would change it. In my head, I thought, “That’s probably a good thing. Carolyn and Yam Yam fight and then there’s a change of plan.” Hopefully in my head, I thought, if it was me then hopefully it’s Yam Yam now. Or maybe Carolyn sticks to the original plan and Josh goes home. But at that moment I thought, “Hopefully that took the target away from me.” I just didn’t want to play scared either, but I think it’s…you have to play with more fear than I do.

TVLINE | I couldn’t tell if the Carolyn/Yam Yam drama was performative to Josh or if much of it was real and stemmed from Carolyn’s frustration. Can you give me some insight into how you perceived the relationship between these two?
At Tribal, Yam Yam, Carolyn and I went in and said, “We don’t have to look the same.” We figured Josh must have come with at least some asset, maybe an idol, otherwise it wouldn’t be fair to go alone to join a tribe. We wanted him to be really comfortable, so part of the plan on Tribal was that we didn’t look like those strong three. But then when they started, I thought, “Is that real?” I started to believe it. And I think that’s so much of Carolyn’s strength. No matter how real that was, it was what kind of flip and made the situation what it was. She has this power as she can express herself. As real as it was in that moment, it certainly tricked us.

And I think their dynamic in general, they hit it off so well. I think they got along so well and you see them talking about it in different denominations. They really get along. But with that they are both very expressive and very honest with each other. They’re very transparent with their feelings at all times and I think that forms a really strong bond but also creates a lot of conflict. It was part of our life at Tika.

TVLINE | Any idea why Josh targeted you and not Yam Yam?
You can see a bit of that in the episode, but I probably hit him with too many of my true thoughts, like when I asked, “Aren’t you a surgeon?” and he has this lie that he’s a personal trainer. I also spoke to him individually. I pulled him aside and said, “You must have an idol. I know they wouldn’t send you here without an idol.” I think it was conversations like this where I was probably too transparent with what I knew and what I thought about things that made me a target made for him.

TVLINE | Is there anything you think you could have done to avoid being voted out last night?
Probably a million things! There are so many things that can happen. There was a moment when Josh – it was like 10 minutes before we left for Tribal – we were sitting next to each other by the fire and he said, “Carolyn just told me you guys were after me.” And I was like, “Why would she say that?” But I think maybe I could have done a little more in my response to him to bring him back with us. But anyway, I think he really thought the plan was Carolyn because he was willing to give Carolyn the idol. I do not know exactly. But I think there’s probably more I could have done with him.

And with Carolyn, we were never BFFs out there. You can tell we’re very different and I admire her for so many things, but we just don’t fit together. I think with that it should have been more of a long-term feeling, to convey to her that we are really close and connected and valuable to move forward together.

TVLINE | What was the hardest thing about gaming in this new era of survivor?
I think the hardest part is probably just all the unknowns. There are so many funny twists and turns and voice drops and different journeys and all of these variables become things you can’t control. That’s what makes the game so exciting, but also so opaque, because you often don’t know what you’re working with.