Tired of your child’s tantrums? Experts reveal how parents can survive them

Parents dread the moment their child bursts into tears, kicks and screams in anger — but experts show that tantrums are helpful for your child’s development.

Meltdowns are a physiological response linked to the brain’s natural threat detection system and are triggered by a child’s inability to deal with emerging emotions.

Letting them go helps little ones eliminate the feelings that can get in the way of their natural, cooperative selves.

Rachel FitzD, an expert on babies and parents, told DailyMail.com: “Just like you and I, children of all ages can respond with a meltdown when they’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed.

“Your child will deal with their overload more easily in the future if you have given them the space to come through the experience safely, with their self-esteem intact, and with loving compassion and respect from you.”

Anger outbursts usually start around 18 months and are very common in young children. And by ages two and three, it tends to get worse—hence the saying “terrible twos.”

Researchers have found that tantrums occur in 87 percent of 18- to 24-month-olds, 91 percent of 30- to 36-month-olds and 59 percent of 42- to 48-month-olds.

“This is a normal human reaction, and the only difference between them and us is that we’ve gained enough experience and maturity to learn avoidance and coping strategies,” said FitzD, who is also an expert at The Baby Show.

“Meltdowns begin in early infancy – around the age of one – when the tot develops a deeper and more complex emotional life.

“We see the bright side of it when they swoop down on us with adoration for kisses and cuddles and mesmerize us with their delight in life’s smallest pleasures. But just as they cannot easily regulate their joyful exuberance, so they are not yet able to manage the dark side of their newly emerging emotions.’

Until their cortex is developed, a young child can only tell you what’s bothering them by expressing their feelings.

“Children with language deficits or autism may have more frequent and aggressive tantrums because of the added frustration associated with difficulty expressing themselves,” says an article published by Laura Sisterhen and Paulette Ann W. Wy of the University of Arkansas .

Parents tend to be at a loss as to what triggered the outbreak, but FitzD says one of the main triggers is hunger.

“Toddlers and toddlers have tremendous energy and are growing rapidly in both body and brain and therefore need a constant supply of nutrition. But they have very small stomachs – just the size of their closed fist,” she said.

“The reason little ones overlook broccoli in favor of brown bread and butter is not because of poor parenting, but because broccoli simply fills the stomach, yet provides minimal calories.

“Without a fairly constant intake of healthy carbohydrates, fats and fructose, a ‘hang up’ sets in, the brain can’t think clearly, and the slightest bit will throw them over the edge.”

The other two are fatigue and frustration, which are easy to spot.

“Little ones seem to have boundless energy, but any parent of a toddler knows that if they miss a nap or ‘quiet time,’ their little one will turn rogue,” FitzD said.

“While they might be able to tolerate you wrestling them into their coat when they’re well rested, try the same move when they’re sleep deprived and you’ll likely be locked in abject chaos for the next hour.

“Toddlers can just manage a little hunger or fatigue, but throw frustration into the mix and your child will just be overwhelmed.”

And while you might lose hope when you see your little one starting to clench their tiny fists, there are ways to minimize the inevitable outburst.

It’s always best to avoid a passport meltdown by making sure your child has ample access to healthy, nutritious snacks to stave off those “hangry” outbursts,” FitzD said.

‘[Also make sure they are] have regular opportunities to rest and that you allow your little ones, kids and teens a lot of independence and autonomy.

“Sure, there will be times when it’s just not appropriate to let your child do things on their own, but really try to minimize those times – you’ll save yourself a lot of work too!”

“If you see a meltdown brewing then use your cunning to distract and divert the little ones and gently point out to the older ones that you can see their frustration and ask them what would help – it helps.” learn to put the solution in their hands, to regulate themselves and to discover their own coping strategies.’