Tom Schwartz and Raquel Leviss kiss over new ‘Vanderpump rules’

The moment we’ve all been waiting for – well, before the Scandoval exploded all season Vanderpump Rules and left all previous storylines dead – is finally here. In this week’s episode, Tom Schwartz and Raquel Leviss finally have their sad, gross make out session. And it’s hard to tell if these two really have wide eyes for each other or are part of a larger plan.

Ever since the news of Scandoval broke, Bravo fans have speculated if this season’s Schwartz and Leviss affair is some sort of ruse. In particular, viewers want to know if Schwartz was used as a pawn by Tom Sandoval to distract from his own affair with Leviss. There’s also a chance he volunteered to be the scapegoat. Andy Cohen bullied that he was getting to the bottom of it while filming the season 10 reunion two weeks ago. But tonight’s episode gives fans some opportunities to make their own guesses.

We’re picking up this episode titled “Forbidden Fruit” where we left off last week, after James Kennedy and Ariana Madix addressed it over dinner because Kennedy body checked one of Brock Davies’ drunk friends. This particular fight is boring and feels a little over the top. But we get some pretty rich advice from Sandoval to Kennedy that makes all her needless yelling worthwhile: “Sometimes real power is having the power to do something and not to do it.” He’s right. You could also apply this to not sleeping with your partner’s close friend!

Anyway, this episode is really just a series of close-ups of Katie Maloney looking miserable. For some reason, she and Schwartz arrange to meet up while the rest of the group is at dinner. These two, especially Maloney, are obsessed with warming up their relationship, as if viewers couldn’t already see what was wrong. Maloney also keeps expecting a new, improved version of her ex-spouse to show up just because she handed him the divorce papers. But he still criticizes her at every moment and defends his lack of emotional support throughout their marriage. Despite Maloney’s efforts to “consciously decouple,” it’s another initially cool discussion that ends in her breaking down in tears.

To make matters worse, she gets a not-so-polite Raquel-gram from Scheana Shay as soon as she heads back to her hotel room. Leviss informs Maloney and Kristina Kelly that they are not allowed to be in the “preferred” guest areas because they have not booked a “preferred” room through the hotel. The rules of this resort get more and more confusing with each episode, according to Shay. And apparently Shay was joking when she told Leviss to report this. Appropriately enough, Kelly and Maloney laugh about it.

Then the men and women separate for their activities as bridesmaids/groomsmen. The ladies (minus Maloney and Kelly) have a relaxing boating day while the boys get drunk by a pool and behave obnoxiously. Of course, Lala Kent has to pull Ally Lewber aside to talk about why she shouldn’t be in a relationship with Kennedy. Your advice isn’t wrong since Kennedy was a historically terrible friend. However, how many scenes are we going to get where Lewber is warned about this man whose reputation largely consists of being a raging alcoholic? I think Homegirl is aware of that!

Back with the boys, Sandoval tries in vain to be Schwartz’s wingman. His definition of flirting is telling a woman she has “nice eyebrows.” There’s also an odd moment where the duo stares at a pair of women’s butts in bikinis, and Schwartz tells Sandoval that one of them reminds him of Leviss. This is when Sandoval starts acting a little sus, urging his friend to admit he likes her, which he claims. Then we get that damn soundbite from Sandoval: “I get it.” Oops!

Before the gang reunites for a big all-white get-together, we check in with Lisa Vanderpump and Ken Todd, who are still worried about Schwartz & Sandy’s situation. This whole segment is basically like those scenes in teenage movies where the parents lie in bed wondering what their kids are up to while they get drunk at a party. Vanderpump still wants to help the Toms open the restaurant, but doesn’t want to overstep their bounds and upset their partner Greg. It’s hard to tell if Todd cares or even knows what’s going on.

Finally, all the wedding guests arrive on a stunning patio for Shay and Davies’ “welcome” party, although it feels like we’ve been in Mexico for a week at this point. All look stunning in their ivory and cream hues, including Kent, who dressed up just to hang out with Maloney and Kelly at a nearby restaurant. Incidentally, your table in front of an open window can also be seen by all party guests. Leviss pokes fun at the three by doing a rather apt portrayal of Stalter and Waldorf in her confessional.

To be fair, Maloney hasn’t had a good time since she landed in Mexico. And she’s clearly only here so she doesn’t miss a check. Their night goes from boring to irritating when Kelly reveals she went to see Shay to apologize for the comments she’s made about her in the past. Maloney immediately looks like she wants to flee the restaurant, but manages to suck it up.

Meanwhile, everyone at Shay and Davies’ party is having a great time, drinking, dancing and banging on some bongos. In one of the worst moments I’ve seen on TV, Kennedy tries to get Lewber to do her “spiny thing” in front of the other guests. Lewber has no idea what he’s talking about, and Kennedy keeps trying to remind her. It turns out that this particular ritual is just about the two holding hands and spinning around, which doesn’t justify calling it a “thing”. At this point, Kennedy’s eyes pop out of his head as he pretends not to be completely embarrassed.

At a table, Shay, Davies, Sandoval and Madix talk about how awkward Maloney is making this honeymoon. They bring Schwartz over, and Sandoval immediately begins beating up Maloney in front of him, telling him to stop bringing her to the Schwartz & Sandy tastings. He’s partly right. It is deeply unnecessary to involve your ex-spouse in your business, especially if their input was part of the reason for the breakup. However, Sandoval has always just hated Maloney. And his contempt for her is a little too intense for my consolation. Chill out!

Leviss also joins the conversation when she overhears Shay telling Schwartz to make out with someone. We can finally get this plot point behind us!

Leviss and Schwartz eventually leave the group and sit at a table not too far from the party. Schwartz admits he thinks Leviss is pretty. But it’s not clear how strong this swarm actually is. It seems mostly driven out of boredom and wanting to upset his ex-spouse. Leviss also seems easier to make than the pool lady with the beautiful eyebrows.

The producers were clearly fed up with watching these two manage their attraction to one another and forced them into this very unnatural conversation. Finally the two kiss. And we hear some off-camera howls and roars. Though it seems the cast hasn’t figured it out yet.

At the same time, Kent, Kelly and Maloney get up from their sad dinner and go out onto the patio. Unless this is just editing magic, we assume they make it outside in time to see Leviss and Schwartz’s closed lips. But we’re hit with a different kind of needless “to be continued…”.

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