Watch out, boys – the best sex may also be the calmest, writes Rowan Pelling, former editor of Erotik Review

I have long been haunted by the memory of a stay in Paris’s Latin Quarter, where I was kept awake all night by a woman in a neighboring room screaming so loudly that I wondered whether I should offer to perform an exorcism.

When I mentioned the “meialement” (the delicious French word for cat howling) to the receptionist the next morning, she rolled her eyes and referred to the woman as an “actress” or sex worker.

According to this new study from the ever-liberal Swedes, it all makes scientific sense. It confirms what most women know and what all men fear: the louder the scream of ecstasy, the greater the likelihood of faking the orgasm. In other words, passion cannot be measured in decibels: there is sex as performance art and sex as real intimacy. And when a woman is truly aroused, trusts her partner, and has no fear of a fragile male ego, she is far more likely to sigh and moan gently than to scream like the rabid super vixen in my Paris hotel.

During my time as editor of The Erotic Review magazine, female employees regularly confessed to faking orgasms. They explained that they generally only do this every now and then so that they can please their partner while conserving their energy for other tasks at hand. This was the result of another study by two researchers from the University of Central Lancashire. They explained that erotic decibels were all about manners and “manipulation” and that women were prone to what they called “copulatory vocalizations” to encourage their partners over the finish line, so to speak.

A new study confirms that the louder the scream of ecstasy, the greater the likelihood of faking orgasm (stock image).

It was like saying, “I’m enjoying this, but feel free to carry on?” Sound familiar, ladies?

The only other reason to scream like a demented hyena is if your sex education comes from porn, where loud is always better.

As a Sunderland woman said in 2014 after neighbors complained that her sexual whining was drowning out their televisions: “In my opinion you should.”

Well, only if you want to attract a certain kind of attention.

In their book “Sex At Dawn,” Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jetha conclude that the most likely reason women are loud during sex — based on observation of our closest primate cousins ​​— is because of nearby males to draw attention to the fact that they are fertile and willing to copulate.

If you are a sex worker, I can understand the need for advertising. But if not, then men should be careful: the best sex may just be the calmest.