A woman who made an insensitive comment about the host of a dinner party and then was furious that no one corrected her afterward is being dragged online.
In a post on the popular Reddit forum r/AmITeA**hole, u/After-Cantaloupe-595 received over 15,700 upvotes and 1,700 comments for their post: “[Am I the A**hole] that you don’t say anything when someone calls me spoiled and privileged?”
Although not close, a friendship had developed between u/After-Cantaloupe-595, aka the Original Poster (OP), and “Camilla”, the girlfriend of her husband’s best friend, “Nate”. Camilla has criticized some of the OP’s hobbies — for example, OP and her husband play tennis, which Camilla describes as “a rich man’s sport” — but it didn’t seem to take offense. Camilla had only known u/After-Cantaloupe-595 and her husband for about six months.
Recently OP and her husband threw a dinner party and invited Nate, Camilla and some other friends. As the conversation drifted off on the state of the world and the economy, u/After-Cantaloupe-595 said she wanted to agree with Camilla on the subject, but she cut her off.
“Haha, no offense, but you’re far too much of a spoiled, privileged girl to understand such things. You would need a tragedy or two in your life to understand the struggle. I love you but you’ve never had trouble in your life haha,” u/After-Cantaloupe-595 captioned Camilla with the words, bringing a stillness to the room.
After the awkward silence, u/After-Cantaloupe-595 changed the subject by suggesting they eat something. The next day, Camilla texted her and chided her for not saying anything at the party.
“Nate told her afterwards that I had an abusive father and got sick as a teenager, spent months in the hospital, had multiple life-saving surgeries and it took a month to learn to walk again,” u/After-Cantaloupe -595 wrote.
Camilla said that by not speaking up, OP made her look like an idiot to Nate’s friends. She said u/After-Cantaloupe-595 should have corrected her so she could have apologized — but since she didn’t, OP “took her that chance and now she’ll never make friends.”
OP says she thinks Camilla is “ridiculous” but decided it “never hurts to ask” if she was wrong.
Unfortunately, accidental insult is a fact of life. It’s something almost everyone on this planet will do at some point. It’s not the end of the world, and psychology today recommends what to do and what not to do in this case.
Unfortunately, Camilla broke the very first rule psychology today states: “Do not blame the offended party.” The magazine says this only adds to the insult for which one should apologize. Other tips include not arguing that no harm was intended – aka “I’m sorry if you were offended” – and not ignoring the offended party’s reaction.
Instead of this, psychology today says to be respectful and apologize – a real apology where the offender admits they did something wrong and takes responsibility for it. However, it doesn’t require the perpetrator to insult themselves, and the magazine even says it undermines the apology by referring to themselves rather than the aggrieved party.
Reddit sided with u/After-Cantaloupe-595 in the affair.
“[Not the A**hole]’ wrote u/katiethekatie. “Camilla wants a performative friendship. She was trying to meet new people and committed a major faux pas by trying to make herself appear worldly by calling you at her own house, and it backfired spectacularly. Be cordial, be polite, but go ahead.”
“I agree with you 100%. I just want to add that it is very impressive how OP silenced Camilla and just dropped the subject. Op showed you are the bigger person!” u/CaptainFace13 added.
“I’d like to add that anyone who has actually suffered in the way Camilla thinks they must do, don’t treat it like a competition. That ‘you haven’t suffered enough’ attitude makes me wonder what tragedies she suffered and if she’re not ‘my boyfriend broke up with me just before Valentine’s Day,'” wrote u/RattusRattus.
“[Not the A**hole], be sure to tell Nate what Camilla texted you,” u/FireEbonyashes wrote. “Your message didn’t even include an apology. She just blames you for her own big mouth.”
news week asked u/After-Cantaloupe-595 for a comment.
https://www.newsweek.com/need-tragedy-woman-dragged-rude-comment-against-dinner-party-host-1708811 Woman dragged over dinner party host for making rude remark