Woman dubbed ‘gold digger’ is defended for exposing her fiancé’s unemployment
Internet commentators were outraged after a woman revealed how she finally showed her fiancé’s family that she’s not the chump they thought she was.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITeA******, Redditor u/aitasayinhea32 (aka Original Poster or OP) said her future husband lost his job four months ago and described this detailed the heated aftermath of her decision to reveal his unemployment to his judgmental parents.
Captioned: “[Am I the a******] for telling my fiancé’s family he’s unemployed after they kept implying I was a ‘gold digger’?” the post has been running since March 14.
“My fiancé comes from a wealthy family,” OP began. “I come from a working-class family.”
The original poster described her fiancé’s family as “nice” and said they had endured lengthy underhanded comments about growing up with less money and the implications that their involvement was rooted in financial motives.
The original poster also said she has been covering all of the couple’s expenses since her fiancé lost his job – unbeknownst to his family members.
“He’s in a bad place in life after losing his job. And since he’s keeping it a secret…I’m the only one [one] pay for everything,” OP wrote. “Last week his parents invited us to dinner and he insisted we go.
“His mom took my hand … and looked at my bracelet and said, ‘Oh, that bracelet looks really good, doesn’t it [my son] pay for it?’” OP continued. “Then she sat back and said, ‘You know, I remember when my brother was with this gold digger … she got expensive stuff like this.’
“I caught. I told her it’s brave of her to suggest I’m a gold digger when I’m literally caring for her unemployed son,” OP added. “He had a tantrum in the car…[and] said they never called me a gold digger directly, so it was all in my head.”
Money, according to a 2019 report by Business Insideris the No. 1 topic for couple disputes.
And while myriad issues can create tension in relationships, financial arguments are often exacerbated when there are huge discrepancies in how much money each partner makes.
The imbalance created when a partner has a significantly higher income or comes from a more affluent background can increase pressure on less affluent partners to get involved in other ways.
In cases where no amount of the alternative contribution can match a partner’s assets, suspected gold prospecting – defined by WebMD as “pursuing and establishing a relationship with someone else for the sole purpose of using or taking that person’s money.” ’ – likely to arise among family and friends.
But the “gold digger” label, most commonly attributed to women, is demeaning.
“Using negative terminology like ‘gold digger’ is never healthy or productive,” says psychotherapist and joy out of fear author dr Carla Manly tells news week. “There’s no benefit in engaging in attribution and labeling, which only fuels long-term arguments and resentments.
“When family members are concerned that a loved one’s partner may be motivated by money rather than love, that type of discussion – where justified and appropriate – can certainly take place in private,” Manly added. “If the family’s external negativity is high enough to create a lack of trust between the partners, the relationship can fracture and end.”
Throughout the comments section of the viral Reddit post, many Redditors echoed this sentiment, advising the original poster to reevaluate their relationship before taking the plunge into marriage.
“I think you should uninvite your fiancé from your wedding,” wrote Redditor u/SadderOlderWiser in the top comment of the post, which received almost 38,000 upvotes.
“He doesn’t stand behind you, he’s willing to lie to his family for months to protect his reputation… and this won’t be the last time he blames you for the mistakes and actions of himself and others,” they added .
Redditor u/Just_Wednesday100, whose comment received more than 7,000 upvotes, offered a similar answer.
“Don’t walk down that aisle!” they shouted. “He’s more than willing to make you the villain, and not once has he tried to correct their perspective on you. Instead, he keeps it that way because it makes him seem better than you.”
“He has no loyalty to you and is content to sit and let his family disregard you,” added Redditor u/Catacombs3, receiving more than 9,000 upvotes. “I would kick him out before he made your life miserable.”
“This guy was happy to see his family being cruel to you for months without questioning or standing up for you, despite knowing full well that you are currently the breadwinner,” chipped in Redditor u/CrystalQueen3000. “Is that really you? want to marry?”
news week contacted u/aitasayinhea32 for comment. We have not been able to verify the details of the case.
Have you noticed any red flags that made you want to end a relationship? Let us know at email@example.com. We can ask experts for advice and your story could be featured there news week.
https://www.newsweek.com/woman-labeled-gold-digger-defended-exposing-fiances-unemployment-1760808 Woman dubbed ‘gold digger’ is defended for exposing her fiancé’s unemployment