Woman who quits dinner with boyfriend’s parents over ‘strange’ period gets praise
A woman who went out to dinner with her boyfriend’s family after refusing to stick to her unusual eating rules has garnered support for her actions online.
In a Reddit post that received over 22,000 likes, a user who claimed to be a 21-year-old woman described being repeatedly “told to shut up” during a dinner with her partner’s conservative Christian parents “.
Her actions have caused a rift between her and her boyfriend, who told her leaving the meal was a “crazy move”.
A 1997 study by Glenn Gehar of the University of New Hampshire emphasized that we often choose romantic partners who are similar to our parents of the opposite sex.
As part of the research, participants were asked to self-report in a variety of categories about the similarities shared by their partners and their parents of the opposite sex. The results showed a consistent pattern of shared traits.
However, the results do not bode well for the future of the relationship, which is at the heart of the dilemma the 21-year-old woman – who writes under the name Euphoric_Rabbit7706 – shares on social media given the stark differences between her and her boyfriend’s father .
According to the Post, she “got along really well” initially meeting up with her boyfriend’s family and chatting with them before dinner started. But it was a different story once the food was served.
After a short prayer, her boyfriend’s father was apparently heard saying something along the lines of “let’s dig and the food shuts us up.”
She had no idea what that would mean. During the meal, she tried to compliment the chef on the food, but was “silenced” by her boyfriend’s father. “A really aggressive ‘SHHH’ with a finger to his lips. And then he said again, ‘Let the food shut us up.'”
The woman described the silent dinner as “super awkward and weird” and said her boyfriend’s mum then “did the silent thing” again as she tried to start another conversation. She said she was later branded “disrespectful” by his parents after giggling while eating silently, and was told if she “didn’t respect the workings of her household” she could “eat alone in the kitchen.” .
That was the last straw for the woman, who thanked them before quickly exiting. Her boyfriend later scolded her for storming out, but reaction elsewhere suggests she was entirely justified in doing so.
Terri DiMatteo, a licensed professional counselor based in New Jersey who specializes in relationship and couples counseling, narrates news week the post has “all the hallmarks of a narcissistic family cult.”
“A narcissistic family cult is a deeply dysfunctional, unstable, and flawed family unit that includes abusers, victims, and enablers. So strict rules with demands for full compliance are needed,” she said. “This dysfunctional family structure consists of a ‘senior narcissist’, usually the father or mother, who leads the cult with an iron fist and demands complete obedience. The enabler supports the unreasonable and outlandish rules and demands of the chief narcissist that family members are victims.”
According to DiMatteo, the entire episode was a test to see if the girlfriend could be “controlled.”
“If the family hadn’t been narcissistic and the girlfriend had broken this unusual custom, the father could have said something more sensitive, understanding or kind,” she said. “And if her boyfriend hadn’t dove into the narcissistic family cult, he would have helped his girlfriend by warning her about this strange custom while validating her feelings.”
DiMatteo concluded that if the relationship was ever to work, the boyfriend needed to recognize his family’s “abusive behaviors” and do more to protect his partner. “Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem able to because he’s the victim of the dysfunctional family system.”
These concerns were echoed on Reddit, with user AryaIsAWaif slamming the friend and family. “He could have warned you and given you the option to skip dinner because you don’t dine in monasteries,” they wrote.
Branding it as “super controlling weird behavior,” Lazyoat wrote, “Do you silence anyone who eats with you or do you expect her to follow this controlling behavior?”
CJSintex added: “You don’t talk that way to guests in your home. You don’t treat guests in your home that way. Sounds like they’re treating her like a kid.”
news week contacted Euphoric_Rabbit7706 for comment but was unable to confirm the details of the case.
If you have a similar relationship dilemma, let us know at email@example.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
https://www.newsweek.com/woman-leaving-dinner-boyfriends-parents-over-weird-rule-1759977 Woman who quits dinner with boyfriend’s parents over ‘strange’ period gets praise